I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
