am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
