People with herpes should wear stickers.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
