Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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