i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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