She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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