Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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