Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
