I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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