I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
