Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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