I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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