i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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