It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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