I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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