Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize