I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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