dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
