You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
