my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
