I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Randomize
