The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Is her dick bigger than yours?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
