yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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