also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
