Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
