the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
