It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
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