on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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