i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
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