I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
