I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
apparently the secret to your success is patron
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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