So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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