Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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