matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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