I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
