dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
