If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
