I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
3 2 1 whiskey
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
