Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
