I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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