it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
