I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
