he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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