There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Holy shit dude........stairs
soo... how was my night?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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