I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
