so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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