This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
