So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Randomize
