Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
