why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
