Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
