The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
