i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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