i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
