OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
