we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
