he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
