there's paper in my vomit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Randomize
