How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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