I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
