im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
