I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
