apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
