never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
