Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
