Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Sorry about my life...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
