And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
