he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
