And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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