the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Randomize
