Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
